When someone you care about is hurting, it is easy to go into fixing mode.
You offer advice.
Tell a story about your own life.
Change the subject so it feels less raw.
It comes from a good place, but it can leave them feeling more alone.
Empathy is different.
Empathy is feeling with someone instead of trying to talk them out of what they feel.
You do not have to match their pain.
You do not have to agree with their choices.
You just let their experience matter in front of you.
Brené Brown describes empathy as climbing down into the dark with someone for a moment, instead of shouting tips from the top.
It can sound like:
“That sounds really hard. I am glad you told me.”
or
“I do not know exactly what to say, but I am here.”
Empathy bridges gaps.
It turns “your problem over there” into “a human moment we are sharing.”
You still have boundaries.
You still care for your own nervous system.
Empathy is not absorbing everything.
It is allowing your heart to stay open long enough to see the person clearly.
Often, that is all someone needs to feel less strange, less broken, less alone.